Don’t hurt me – Phase 4

Don’t hurt me – the various types of abuse

• Emotional/Mental abuse – name calling using words like: useless, dumb, worthless
• Physical – being physically beaten, held down against your will or locked out
• Sexual – Forced sexual act, Rape, using sex as a weapon. Statements like “ you’re no good in bed”
• Financial – Where one partner who controls the money uses it to control the other partners. They use words such as “you will never survive without me” and make the other partner feel helpless and unable to leave even while being abused
• Cultural identity abuse – This happens when one partner prevents the other from following the traditions of their faith 

Inner-darkness

In our minds we call ourselves names associated with the aftermath of being abused, depending on the abuse, the names change slightly but all mean the same thing.

There are various forms of abuse which we can endure while growing up and then this can carry on into our relationships with more other abusers. Our suffering, if left unhealed will mean we can become angry with ourselves for one reason or another. This is what most abusers want, they want you to feel like it was all your fault. They need you to feel like you made them hurt you  because of your behaviour not there’s. This is their attempt as part of the abuse to, shift the guilt over to you.

Some use reverse psychology on their victims to make them feel like they are guilty for the abuse that has taken place in the relationship; this then turns a passive victim into an aggressive monster; this victim turn monster now believes nobody can be trusted and offence is the best defence in every interaction. 

A relationship with someone who has undergone months or years of abuse can become one which is riddled in conflicts and battles – an environment the abused has become used to living in. These battles also have casualties in the form of children who tend to also suffer, they are usually helpless in abusive scenarios like these, where parents or step-parents are fighting on a daily basis. 

In situations such as these where someone goes from one abusive relationship to the next instead of seeking professional help, victims may try to solve their problems by way of numbing the pain (either heavy-drinking, drugs or some other type of coping mechanism). These make-shift plasters they use to hide their wounds or , very rarely work for very long.

(excerpt from the book ‘it’s never too late to love yourself’)