Our lack of self-love has a domino effect on all the people around us, especially our partners or dependents, in fact this occurs with anyone who is close to us.
Very often, we seek acceptance from others and if we don’t get it from our mate or peers we look elsewhere, thereby removing our own acceptance from the equation.
This validation outside of ourselves can get us stuck in a loop, a never-ending expectation for everyone we meet to make us happy.
This type of outside validation will always only ever be a temporary achievement, as they can never truly make us happy on the inside.
Love has many different ways of being expressed, some ways are seen and felt as good, while others are seen and felt as a curse.
A curse that we all, at one time or another, struggle to lift.
Our minds play a big role in deciding whether someone’s love is either healthy or unhealthy.
If someone says or does something we deem as loving, we can often feel it in our bodies, our minds on the other hand will label it as ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’.
We attempt to relive the healthy experiences throughout our lives, but what about the unhealthy ones?
Do you smother your loved ones in an attempt to prevent them from leaving you or the home environment?
Do you use guilt or shame in an attempt to justify their constant need to make you feel secure and prevent loneliness?
Or are you in favour of the opposite approach, being cold and appearing uninterested by ignoring or withholding affection?
With the sudden advances in technology taking the dating-relationship world by storm. Mobile phones and computers have become the passcode or password protected avenue, for people to have secret friendships and love affairs – all without even leaving their homes.
Have you ever sat next to someone who had more time for their mobile than they did for you, does it come between you or is there just an unhealthy balance?
Think about how if feels to be loved by someone else, a parent, a carer or another loved one.
It is in there actions where you can find the proof that they love you. The things people say and do for us are the ways in which we learn, how to show love to others and ourselves.
Acceptance of ourselves and letting go of giving someone else the responsibility, is an important first step in our journey towards self-love.
A love which only requires us and nobody else for success.
Loving yourself means exploring the different areas of your life, in a loving way. With an open mind and heart, you can give yourself a second chance.
A second chance may mean forgiving someone who has done you wrong in the past or it may mean letting go of some anger you have stored within you which decides to make an appearance every now and then without warning. That anger can be what prevents you from either receiving unconditional love or it can be what keeps you stuck in a relationship which lacks unconditional love.
Conditional love can very easily be maintained within a relationship which is based on ‘give and take’. For example, if someone comes around every so often and hugs you or gives you a little bit more, you will do anything in return. These are what I call the ‘crumbs’ in a relationship.
These relationships have a condition attached to everything, instead of just being genuinely loving. They come with a whole host of ‘if you do this for me, I will do this for you’. A person can accept this type of conditional love if they lack self-love and/or cannot manage their own fits of rage. Rage comes in two forms – Inner and Outer, some of us can be ‘angry’ with ourselves or of course ‘angry’ with others, our partners or those close to us (our children for example).
These people can also struggle to co-habit with others because of their fits of anger or need for ‘space’ to maintain their anger/sanity. Their lives consist of maintaining their inner-madness. Sometimes they do this by the use of things that help them to suppress their anger. Either drugs or alcohol, or sometimes even sex is used to release or take their minds off the pain. Any suppression technique may work for a time but the pain or anger always returns.
If you want to do something different because what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working. Then start fresh, start with you.
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